weird..

am feeling weird today... and i don't know why..

i have this feeling that i am being watched.. call me paranoid but its true!

it started last week.. Friday to be exact..

i was sitting at the back of the bus. everyone were talking.. they were teasing one classmate with another, our teacher with the driver, and another classmate with several innocent men waiting for a PUJ. on the other hand, it was fun listening to one of my friend's singing.. the songs that he sings are so relaxing.. it reminds of sleep.. hehehe..

suddenly, i heard someone blurted out my name.. for some unknown reasons.. i tried to find out who it was.. but everyone were just busy chatting.. shouting to be exact. but then, a certain group was quiet and silently giggling at each other..

i looked at them for a while. i noticed Z was trying to prevent somebody from saying something.. some were looking at me with strange faces.. like something's there that they're hiding from me.. i didn't understand them quite well at first.. i just thought that maybe they're not really talking about me..

the group had agreed to watch a movie that afternoon.. since i have nothing to do, i decided to join them. it took me a while to get dressed.. i had three change of clothes before finally deciding what to wear.. a green racerback blouse and pedal pumps.. i don't know what happened to me that i suddenly became conscious of my appearance.. like i have to be appropriately as if am trying to impress someone..

i arrived exactly on time and i found that only three people had arrived before me. a couple and someone i knew way back in high school.. i found myself looking for someone who wasn't still there.. as i wait and time passes, my heart seemed to beat faster..

slowly, people arrived and then that person was there.. Z didn't noticed me at first.. i felt relieved.. but as people exchanged greetings, Z found me hiding behind somebody's back.. i was conscious and thoughts had been racing inside my head.. at that moment, Z was just shocked.. because i never dressed like that before.. and people thought i never will..

we never really get to have a talk at that time.. i felt awkward.. i was acting like a high school student again.. and i promised myself that i won't be liked before.. i decided not to entertain the feelings or thoughts anymore and concentrated on watching the movie.. i was sitting beside the teacher and Z was there in front of me.. i could only see Z's back...

after the movie, we had a small circle.. people were commenting about the movie.. everyone shared their ideas.. but one thing i'll never ever forget from that is a "nasty" complement from one of those i consider my ate.. it was about me, my "asset" and the attire that i was wearing i guess.. maybe it just showed to much skin or my cleavage.. that's why she was able to give that comment.. the complement spread to all my groupmates and to Z.. i was worried and i felt like running away to hide the embarrassment. good thing someone blurted out that somebody was about to go home.. whew.. what a relief!

i thought everything's done.. i could go home and forget what happened.. but then, my groupmates thought of having dinner together.. it was a nice idea since the place they picked is just near our house! i went with them even though i know that i couldn't afford to eat anymore.. i pretended to be full..

good thing for me, my bf came to the rescue.. he saved me from the hunger and allowed me to be deviated from my thoughts.. it was funny.. i was seated at the end part of the table and i couldn't hear a thing from what's going o n or the chit-chats occuring between my friends.. sometimes, i tried to pretend that i was watching the tv to hide the longing that i want to stare at Z or talk to Z.. if i ever had the courage..

weekend came.. the event that occured last Friday still bothered me.. i thought of other things but then thoughts about Z and Friday's event still lingered in my mind..

today.. everything seemed to be fine.. first thing i did was to greet Z.. i never felt the anxiety that i had when i was with him. and i knew, at that moment, that everything will be back to normal.. it never passed from my thoughts that something strange will happen again..
at the bus ride, as i was talking to a friend, i saw someone with a weird smile.. like it has an underlying meaning.. i tried not to fret about it or pay particular attention.. but i can't help it since she was sitting behind my friend, whom i was talking to.. (assuming girl! but if it ever happened to you, wouldn't you find it weird also? for people to just smile weirdly? am not in a psych ward so i know that normal individuals would never look nor smile at me that way.. ) we continued to chit-chat.. and then, she stopped.. Z was sitting at the back of the bus, innocently listening on a music gadget..

anyway, i felt uncomfortale looking or talking to Z again.. i kept the thoughts to myself coz i know this will just pass and that maybe (i hoped!) that i was just imagining things..
we went to do our businesses in the community... i tried to look for patients.. i never bothered where Z was going or what the other people were doing.. after a lot of interviews and finding our secret paradise, me and two friends returned from our paradise to the "base". i was soo tired from all the hiking and climbing.. i looked for a place where i can sit and rest.. the only space available was beside Z.. i had no options left so i sat right beside Z..

there was no tension between us.. Z asked me where i went.. (nakita siguro niya na GGB na un life ko! ) i told Z about our secret paradise and the different sites we passed by.. i asked Z what happened to their class and it was a success.. then period of silence.. i could only hear my heart beating so fast and the sound of my breathing to compensate for the oxygen consumed.. and then i saw it again...

two friends staring at us.. with weird smiles planted on their faces.. i don't know what to do.. i waited for Z to react and see if Z noticed it too.. i asked Z.. the reply was "ambot naunsa na siya..".. then poof! story ended..

i woke up and it was all just a dream..